Control freak?

God speaks to me literally in the strangest places. In the shower, on the toilet and in the middle of the night. His voice isn't audible but it's clearly Him. I am learning not to ask why or how but to simply say ok. Gods way trumps the plan I have in my head.  So many women are slaves to so many things like approval addiction, food addiction and many other impulsive behaviors that leave us empty yet in desperation to control something within their lives. This whole concept goes against who God is. His sovereignty in our lives goes beyond our comprehension and because we can't see or understand the why behind His plans we spiral out of control trying to obtain ownership and power in our marriages, friendships, jobs, school, and careers. When things begin to crumble we are left empty and vulnerable and without any self control. God wants good for you, and to protect you as He gives us bits and pieces as we live for Him fully along the way. Fully surrendering requires you to fully obey and let go of all control as you walk in self control. 

A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out. (Proverbs 25:28 MSG)

Wow- visualize your house without any windows or doors. The fear at night that would set in when the street lights went off and darkness fell. Would your family be ok? Would a burglar choose your house? Would wild animals choose your windows to crawl through? That's a scary thought (however a skunk I would welcome) .   When you and I give way to addictions, gossip or other areas of disobedience simply because we have no self control we are opening up our hearts, relationships and dreams just like that verse for fears and sin to creep in. Today I am praying for you to to let go of not only control but even deeper the desire to control.  Begin to walk in His sovereignty and promises so you can live in His presence and not run from it.  Remember Eve was placed within boundaries and because of her inability to maintain self control she fell into the hands of the enemy and tries hiding from her Creator. Ladies  don't listen to the enemy! God has your life in His hand and His way is going to be full of adventures! Full of twist and turns but in the end others will see Jesus in you! Believe that! 

What are you choosing to be in awe of today?

Psalm 5:7 Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe. 

To be in awe of something means: an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime. 

As I drove back home from taking my girls to school the rain hit the windshield and the overcast skies gave way to the most beautiful flowers in my yard. It was sunny yesterday and almost 80 degrees and I didn’t notice them. It took the darkness almost for me to notice the beauty.  We often allow the darkness of our circumstances to overshadow the beautiful blooms that are taking place in our lives.  When we are struggling with something our focus consistently seems to stay on the struggle. We miss that God is growing areas of our lives and pulling out the ugly and replacing it with ALL things new.  Yesterday Richard and I went on a walk and we had to stop about every 5 steps for Scrappy to smell and mark his territory literally in everyone’s yard. It was driving us crazy that we finally just started tugging his leash a little to keep him from slowing us down. We would hand the leash back and forth and finally he figured out we were there to walk.  I feel like that’s exactly what the enemy does. As we move forward away from struggles, or areas of our lives that keep us in the dark he wants to keep us there so we can’t see what God is doing around the corner.   Today blooms are around you and some are already in bloom and others are waiting for the perfect time to show themselves. You need to press into the truth of God’s word and soak it up.  His word is the very thing that puts our dreams, our victories into motion.  We tend to cling to Jeremiah 29:11 with the hopes that our hearts desires are met when in reality our desires look nothing like the heart of God.  We have to drop our preferences, drop our “want to” and fully lean in and walk step by step in the direction of where He is taking us. Sometimes your dream has nothing to do with God and everything to do with pride. We have all been there and it’s a place of defeat because you never measure up to the expectation you and others place on yourself.  We crave validation and if your dream isn’t met you immediately run from it or manipulate it in a way you come out on top.  God wants you to walk in the now loving Him fully with all your heart, soul mind and strength and to love His people. Our gifting may not line up with where you are now but in the end God will be glorified and your obedience will reap a harvest that will blow your mind.   We become so consumed with our dreams coming true that we forget to be in love with our Creator.  He did give you a dream I don’t doubt it for a second however I know that when the dream becomes your direction you go off course and everything and everyone is affected.   We can be in awe of a dream, in awe of a circumstance, in awe of a struggle that has numbed, or you can be in awe of the Creator and His power and His sovereignty in your life.  Yesterday started out rocky. I was so locked in on what I didn’t have or what I needed to be doing and as I sat down I wrote in my journal “God you are my provider” and I believed it. Not even 20 minutes later God BLEW MY MIND! I am overwhelmed today and in awe of how BIG my God is.  There is darkness looming and yet I only see the light. We choose to walk in Joy or we choose to walk in defeat. I could list out all the things that are my struggles but where is the hope in that?  So today I want you to know that I am thankful for those who surround me. I am thankful for a husband that leads me well and gives everything he has to point our church and his family to Jesus. I have an incredible job with girls who have been rescued from sex slavery. I get to lead a lifegroup with some incredible ladies whom I adore.  I get to speak about freedom and BIG things are around the corner (more details later).   I could go on and on today and it’s because I believe that when we keep our eyes and hearts locked in on God our eyes see our circumstances completely different. Don’t let the enemy slow you down, or keep you from seeing what’s just around the corner. After the storms comes mighty blooms so be encouraged and SHINE today! (BTW This picture is the flower in my backyard that blew me away )

She gets it....

Today Rebekah and I had a great discussion about college and just life in general. We talked about what it looks like to fully trust Gods sovereignty. We also talked about how hard it is and the pitfalls we often fall in because of our lack of patience throughout the journey. She truly is wise beyond her years and tonight she sat a table with two boys under the age of 10 drawing pictures of animals, mermaids and wizards, and shared stories about her childhood with them. She walked out of their house with a picture the youngest had drawn for her and I realized in that moment her leadership skills and calling on her life were so visible for me and yet she had no idea.  She can relate to an 8 year old and also to a 50 year old.  Her love language is quality time for sure so she honestly can talk to anybody all day long.  She said something this evening on the way home that is sending me to bed with a smile on my face she said "mom I want a husband just like daddy because he loves you so much and pursues you." In that moment I thought wow she gets it.  Even though she has experienced heart break already she sees past the moment and knows God has someone just for her. Girls tonight as you lay your heads down on your pillows remember that God loves you beyond your greatest fear & deeper than the wounds that hurt so bad even now. He loves you beyond your insecurities and all the things you see wrong when you stand in front of a mirror. Zits will come and they will go, & boys will break your hearts but the Creator of the universe wants you to know that He loves you more than words can describe. You are worth MORE so wait patiently..

 YOU are BEAUTIFUL! 

My love for edamame is now over

I fixed myself edamame for lunch. I added tuna and a few sun chips to the plate. Healthy and yummy right? I ate one or two edamame a few bites of my tuna and as I went to pick up another edamame  I couldn't finish it. I thought to myself I love these. As I sat dumb founded I remembered the last time I had eaten those were the night I came down with the horrible puke virus a few weeks ago. I had attached that virus with the very taste of the edamame and I no longer wanted it. So I put them in a bag for my kids to eat later. Our senses are so fascinating to me.  Because we can take something we have seen, heard or tasted and attach it to something that stirs either pleasant or unpleasant and sometimes horrifying memories. Just like with me I attached a bad memory aka throwing my guts up with the taste of what use to be my favorite snack. The enemy uses the senses to gain control and to attack in those vulnerable moments with the hopes of making you feel shame and guilt. I work with teenage girls who have been rescued from human trafficking and their triggers are things such as pizza places, white sheets, to smells of cologne and for me those are normal things but to them its a horrific nightmare.  I pray for the day they no longer see images that haunt them. I

believe God can and will not recondition but make NEW those places of shame for not only them but also for those of who you are reading this who walk in constant regret.  I was thinking about my dad the other day and I thought and thought of my last memory that I had of him and sadly I can't bring up any other image beside the one of him laying lifeless in the hospital bed. That image is forever burned in my brain and it makes so sad.  Every time I return to the hospital which is hardly ever that's the first thought always. When  I hear certain songs or see certain things that image is what I see.   I recently began praising God in moments where pain surfaces or guilt moved in to my mind because I know that the Creator of the universe wants to set the captives free.  For some of you it's a sound, a smell or just driving by something that stirs things in you & today I pray that God pours new thoughts into your head and into your heart to counteract the enemies plan to keep you from walking in the redemption He has for you.  Today choose to see God first before any other thing in your path. I am reminded in Psalm 34:8 that God wants you to use your senses to gain more intimacy & security in Him. It says this "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."  Today don't hide from the shadows of your past instead take refuge.  Gods love for you is lavish it heals, redeems and what the enemy meant for bad God will make good! Be set free today! 

What is that you think you need?

Have you ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? I remember back in my prego days how badly I would crave certain foods. With Rebekah it was HOT wings, fried fish and anything sour I could get my mouth on. For Rachel it was Bojangles seasoned fries & green beans. The one thing I craved with both of them was crushed ice. I mean I couldn't get enough of it. I would send Richard all over Gastonia to get it.  I found out later that it was a sign of low iron. My body was craving something I was running low on.  I am convinced that our souls long for Jesus in ways we cant even attempt to understand yet every fiber of our being is crying out for completion. I recently read in Matthew about Jesus in the wilderness and how the enemy tempted Him not once, twice but three times. In that moment of hunger Jesus saw the enemy for who he was and chose to embrace truth to counteract the lies. We tend to live our lives moment to moment intentionally trying to fill this deep soul craving.  When we become tired, weak and just can't seem to have the strength to stand It's in those places of desperation we have to intentionally choose God over any other source of superficial "must have" fulfillment. The other night at our dinner table I knew Richard was almost home and so I plated our food and told my girls not to start eating until their daddy was home. They sat there at first so patient but after the smell hit their noses they started with one bite then it was another bite until Richard walked in and Rachel had finished her plate. She laughed and said "mom I couldn't take it because it smelled so good and I was so hungry".  We empty ourselves out all day everyday and because we have a constant craving for more we often choose what we see in front of us to complete us. What I realized about this passage of scripture is that the enemy didn't stop. He challenged Jesus and didn't back down in fact he came at Him where weakness was present. Whether it's physical, emotional or sometimes both the enemy has NO power over the outcome. It's our obedience and surrender that positions the Creator to act on our behalf. He fights for us.  Today you may be in the wilderness thirsty, hungry and feeling so needy but remember that you have been chosen and equipped for such a time as this. No matter the results your filling begins with emptying out anything that doesn't line up with the truth of Gods word.  Embrace His word and walk fully in the confidence that He is your only source of completion.  The enemy will come and he will dangle the very thing you think you "need" but know that in the end dark can't exist in light and the enemy will flee. Our hearts divide daily between embracing the beauty of Gods grace and the lies of the enemy - today choose this truth- YOU ARE FREE! :)

Matthew 4:1-11

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” 4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." 5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: "He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." 7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test." 8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” 10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only." 11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him

Watch your step -

What an eventful past couple of days. It snowed and because I am from the south that means we made snow cream, and went sledding for hours. I also watched The Godfather for the first time ever and I have to admit I liked it. I also cooked huge meals because the girls have been out of school for 2 and 1/2 days.  We have really enjoyed this time away from the outside world. There is something about knowing you can't get out that brings about rest. It's as if we were forced to take it easy and just breathe & laugh without a care in the world all in our pj's. This morning I was reading in Proverbs and I stopped in chapter 4 verses 25/26 

"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure."

To ponder something means to think or consider especially quietly, soberly, and deeply. I know for my own self I have made impulsive decisions based on feelings and my emotions rather than really praying and weighing out my options. In the end I found myself unsure and questioning the very sovereignty of God and calling on my life.  We like to equate success with Gods favor to the point of taking the factor of submission and the cost to follow Him out. We crave normacy in our lives.  From little girls dreaming of their white picket fence marriages, to perfect bodies, yummy Pinterest recipes and of course the perfect job. We want our lives to be full of love, laughter & wrapped in a pretty bow of perfection. We want our ways to be laid out before us. When we were sledding the other night I couldnt see any holes or sticks because the snow was covering them and because of that I hit a stick and suddenly I was on my face. I'm sore today because of that fall.  My path wasn't clear and I fell.  The last part of that verse says  "then all your ways will be sure". You see it's not up to me to choose the right path but it is up to me to keep my entire focus on Christ alone.  To think quietly means I have to soak myself in the word while praying and thinking about the things of God. No outside noise or people can dictate my steps if I am locked in on Jesus. To think soberly means I can't let other gods such as food, body image, dreams, ministry, along with other types of things take me away from really listening to the voice of my Creator.  His word alone will move me in the direction He is leading me to.  To think deeply means that I am not responding with my emotions I am listening with intent and just waiting for God to move first. Pondering takes us away from uncertainty and into that place of intimacy and being sure of our ways. Who has your ear today? Who or what is occupying your time and mind? These questions answer whether or not you are pondering the path of your feet. Remember wherever our heart is our feet will follow.

go ahead and stare ....

I absolutely love people watching. Sometimes I am sure it’s weird for them however I enjoy it.  It’s a sport that has been around for ages. I believe it started in malls with little old men sitting on the benches as their wives shopped.  Then I looked into the bible and saw that it happened way back. From the Pharisees watching for anyone including Jesus to mess up at any point.  The disciples always watching others and then glancing to Jesus for His responses.  This morning when I got to the YMCA I got two cups of coffee off the little coffee cart and headed into the Revolution church office with one cup of coffee in one hand and the other cup I had to put in my mouth because my other hand was full and I needed to somehow get the key in the door. Not one but at least three people passed by. One said hello, another just looked, and the other well he was determined to not make eye contact. I made it and thought to myself HELLO people I needed help.  I don't think those three people were jerks, self-righteous or even non-believers it’s just at times our thought process is often fueled around thinking people have it under control, or we just can't I mean it’s not intentional right?   We are so wrapped up with what others think at times we hold the hands and feet of Jesus hostage.  We aren't intentional about not giving to the homeless we just don't have any cash on us. We aren't intentional about not sending someone an encouraging text we just don't have their number. We aren't intentional about not praying with someone we just don't want them to feel awkward.  We aren't intentional about asking someone to help with our brokenness we just don't want to inconvenience them. We aren't intentional with our lack of passion for serving its just our time is so precious to us. We aren't  intentional about missing church it’s just the flu season and we don't want to get sick, or maybe our favorite team is playing.  You see we are not intentional at times but the enemy is always intentional with our time, money, and thoughts because he looks to steal the moments that will further the kingdom of God.  Those people that passed by me didn't spark resentment (if I would have dropped the hot coffee on myself however I would have been ticked haha) but it did spark within me this call to be intentional.  Will I choose today to build up the kingdom? My money is not my own and therefore at times I have to intentionally trust God and allow people to bless me. My time is not my own therefore I have to chase daylight to honor Him with my hands and feet. In Luke 11 Jesus was asked by a Pharisee to dine with him and instead of seeing the willingness, and thoughtfulness of Jesus saying yes He judged him for not washing his hands before eating. He only saw what He didn’t do.  The response from Jesus wasn't "oh sorry let me run wash my hands" no it was a moment to tell him what for.  I love when Jesus spoke up and out to those who looked for lines of religion to cross and even created those lines at times with the hope He would.  There are those people in your life even now that are waiting “unintentionally” for you to fall. They are waiting for you to mess up. Let that not STOP you but fuel you. Let your brokenness be the tool that brings you back to the feet of Jesus. Let your time, money and circumstances be the instrument of change. Others are watching you and some with eyes of envy, and yet others are truly needing to see a glimpse of Jesus.  Remember that wee little man Zaachaeus who climbed up a tree just to see Jesus? 

Luke 19 Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. ² A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. ³ He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. ⁴ So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.⁵ When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” ⁶ So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.⁷ All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”⁸ But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”⁹ Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. ¹⁰ For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

 The eyes of Zaachaeus were locked in on seeing Jesus. Those around him were locked in on Jesus eating with a sinner. Jesus was locked in on meeting a need and making him new.  Your family, friends, co-workers church members may be climbing out of addictions, defeating thoughts, financial ruin among other forms of complete brokenness and they are looking to you to see Jesus. Let them stare, glare and watch you because our weakness, vulnerabilities only set us up for God to blow our minds. Be encouraged today and SHINE even when you feel as if there is no shine left. God is about to do something that will cause not only you but those who surround you to look UP! Hebrews 1:5  “Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."