do you really just want attention?

This past Friday night my oldest daughter won homecoming queen. She looked so beautiful and she was also very shocked that she had even won. She told me over and over not to get my hopes up because she wasn't going to win but let's be honest as a parent you hope deep down your kid wins.  After the football game we were bombarded with excitement through phone calls, text sweet words and hugs.  Several people said "weren't you the homecoming queen?"  I laughed and said no but that I had won Miss Huss back in the day.  Miss Huss was the school beauty pageant. I thought about the two and It hit me that she had won through the approval of her peers without performance and I had to compete to win.  What a sobering thought because I truly feel like I have performed my whole life just to win smiles, friendships and relationships so I could feel a sense of wholeness. I could barely keep up and that's why I believe food became my go to. It didn't talk back to me, hurt me from the surface, it gave me a immediate happiness and helped me to not work so hard to prove myself.  I was reminded this week about performances and how they mean absolutely nothing to my Creator. 

Psalm 51:16/17 (the msg) 

Going through the motions doesn't please You, a flawless performance is nothing to You.  I learned God worship when my pride was shattered. Heart shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape Gods notice. 

As I read this passage three things began to surface in me. The first is that a performance based relationship will keep you in a state of always seeking perfection and completion other than Gods presence alone. The second thing is that being desperate for God no matter what season you are in will always lead you into deeper "God worship" moments. The last thing is that living brokenness "heart shattered" lives is what moves the heart and hands of God. In fact it's what leads us to seeing His faithfulness over and over again.  If you aren't desperate for the voice of God start there. The word desperate is defined by Webster as this; done with all your strength or energy and with little hope of succeeding.  My whole life I have been desperate to succeed but only in the eyes of others never fully seeing Gods overwhelming grace and affection for me.  This year is closing out and my word is peace and I have never felt such peace in my whole life. The applause of people are silencing and the heartbeat of Jesus is growing louder. I am choosing to follow the footsteps of my King and not the footsteps of my dreams.  I am choosing to dwell in the beauty of Gods presence and saturate myself with His word. To saturate means you fill something completely with something else. God fill my heart with ALL of You!  Ladies in His presence the fear of brokenness fades and the courage of waiting, being still or stepping out is what will sustain you. Happiness is an emotion that is evoked by false pretense and its held in the palm of circumstances, love, friendships and often our dreams and material things.  Joy however is rooted in our intimacy with God.  To be blessed simply means; connected with God. We tend to let our happiness stem from blessings that have nothing to do with being connected with God.  I have found out that the level of approval you think you need is never enough but the wisdom that comes from letting God fill your tank not only brings you a joy that you can't contain but a life filled in fullness. We have to be in Gods word there is no other way to learn, gain guidance and fully connect to His heart.  Writing Gods word on our hearts sets up and positions our lives for deeper intimacy, a deeper passion and a growth that leads to world change. 

Jeremiah 31:33 

For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

It's time you stand before God with all your brokenness pain and all and know that when you have positioned your  "heart shattered" life before the God of the universe He will see you and He will restore you.  Let the cry of your heart be this today..

God I want you and nothing more!

Cardigans, pumpkins and the lingering shame within -

October 1, 2014

Fall has arrived and the smell of burning leaves have begun to fill the air, pumpkins are being carved and boots are being worn. There is such anticipation for the changing of seasons. We begin to prepare months before and sometimes prematurely leave the season we are in. It's in the 80s today and when I dropped my girls off so many girls were dressed as if it is 60.  The fall clothes hit the stores when summer hits so I know the excitement behind wearing those fall clothes. Cardigans are one of my favorite pieces of fall clothing. You can change the look of any outfit with a simple cardigan.  

      A few nights ago we decided to go get a few pumpkins to paint. We sat in the floor with every color of paint & every size paint brush.  We all had a theme for an image in mind of what we wanted to paint. I was simply going to write BOO on mine. It only took me about 7 or 8 tries.  After I finally got it kinda like I wanted it I noticed that the other paint was lingering and not coming off as clean as it was the first few times.  This morning I looked at our pumpkins and that annoying lingering paint is the very thing that is bringing it character. It actually looks better. I believe that as women and girls we try so hard to wash away our weaknesses, our pasts our defeating thoughts to the point that we either give in to them or just stop trying.  We forget that God has a bigger plan and takes the shame and guilt that the enemy throws at us and uses it for kingdom building and instruments of change.  He grows us and sets dreams in motion by linking our surrendered hearts to the power of His healing hands. The smears across my pumpkin reflect the smears that once lined my heart. Years of pain from losing my dad not once but twice. Once by divorce and the other by death played a huge part of how I was shaped. I look back now and see that the ministry I am called to of pouring into girls and women of all ages stemmed from who I once was. Paul spent the entire New Testament pointing people to Jesus and away from who He was. The struggle isn't the issue. It's when we stay in it, ignore it that we find ourselves paralyzed in fear and marked with shame.  God is calling you out of that place this morning. October 1 means NEW month, NEW day & a NEW season.  You don't have to be that person you were yesterday or even five minutes ago. God searches the darkest places of our hearts looks for the lingering effects of past shame and sin and the struggles that haunt us and transforms them into instruments of change, hope and redemption for not only ourselves but for those who look to you. Stop running from Gods truth and embrace it with your heart positioned for change. If your marriage is falling apart pray for your spouse & honor Him & husbands pursue Your wives and let God do a work in YOU first. If your finances are overwhelming you, give to God what He gave to you and leave the results and provision to Him. If you need direction then get into His word and seek Him from a place of actively listening so you can actively follow through with WHATEVER He calls you to do.  In Acts chapter 9 verse 1 says "Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lords disciples."  Just like Paul was in the middle of sin Jesus reached into His heart and transformed Him from the inside out and God used Him to connect and draw people in by not rubbing his nose into what he had done but instead what His redeeming power had did in Him was then made known. Today is your day of change. What do you need to do? It's time you follow through... 

Now tell me what's your favorite thing about Fall? 

Let your FAITH become an anthem of hope to those who have none-

We often look at the things in our lives that cause us pain, regret and even chaos as punishment from God. We blame Him for the seasons of our lives that don't feel good or stretch us into frustration and giving up. We question His motives, let go of dreams and walk in defeat because of it. Today as Fall begins I am praying you feel the seasons of your life shifting. No matter what season you are in God isn't shocked by it. He is isn't scared of the outcome and He isn't pacing over what to do. He has you and He is and will hold you as tightly as you let him. I remember when my girls were little they would get hurt and Rebekah would want all the attention in the world from me pretending to be hurt too to rocking her and spanking whatever it was that causes her pain. She needed the comfort of me just being there and on her team. Rachel would run to her room and cry and wouldnt want you to get near it. She would get mad if you tried to put anything on it and if it wasn't a pretty band aid well she wouldn't wear it. They both responded so differently.  As I look at how I respond to certain things in my life I often do the very same things to God. From wanting to gain teammates and support in some seasons and yet in other seasons we want no one around me including the truth of who God is or what He is trying to teach me.  Today you may be wounded and you need me to say that I am sorry and that everything is going to be fine. However if I am going to be truthful being "ok" may come in a different way. You see IN Christ holding to Him becomes enough and yet when we step away from our faith in pivotal moments we tend to crumble when things don't go in the way we need them too and we blame God rather than clinging to Him.  I have known for years that my calling is to speak into girls and women's lives about who they are IN Christ and even more about the freedom that awaits on the other side of those anxious thoughts that we all have and yet I have walked in bondage and refused to speak because of those insecurities and that paralyzed my dreams for a very long time.  I believe that as believers it's so important for you and I to keep our focus off of the dream, the circumstance , the season of drought and the pain and on to God Himself. Because it's IN Him that ALL things are made New and Its IN Him that all things work together for the good. Are you walking IN Him today? Let your faith be an anthem to those who have none. Respond in surrender not in fear. God has you and He has your life in His hand and He loves you more than you love that dream or that thing you so desperately need "fixed" it's time you press in & leave the results to your Creator.  

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. 

Sitting on the porch with pumpkin muffins and Nutella now that's peace!

When I was a little girl I loved playing with my sister. I was older and which meant I was wiser (right Tiffany) and so I would dictate our games and the things we would play. One of my favorites was pretending to be teenagers we were 8 and 10 and  I would be "Becky" who had her drivers license and she would be "Sherry" my younger but cool best friend. We had cool names and we were super popular, had cool clothes, and cool jobs at Mcdonalds. We would literally pretend like this for hours and as time would pass for our mom to pick us up we would still try to be in character when went home. Looking back those days on that farm with big cows, big trees, a big barn shaped my view of what peace was and I had no idea.  Today it's overcast skies and the once green leaves on my trees are now changing Into bright yellow.  Fall moves something in me. It calms me and I believe it has and continues to shape my view of peace.  This year I chose peace as my one word and little did I know I would spend this entire year seeking for it. Peace is defined by Webster as freedom from disquieting or oppressive emotions or thoughts.  I can't escape to the farm and pretend to be someone else (that would be weird) and fall will eventually be winter but I have discovered over these last few weeks that peace is not just a feeling of comfort or just a feeling of relief it's beyond that. It's hanging on the monkey bars as a kid with a grasp that is callousing your hands to the point of burn as you try and bring your strength from a place of determination that's inside you to your arms and then you just let go.  Our hearts are filled with passion and "Oh my God what are you doing" moments.  We beg God for strength to get from one circumstance to another and then after a while we just let go.  To me that letting go has brought me such peace this week. I have wrestled with God for over 2 weeks on something that I had to make a decision on and I didn't understand it and I still don't fully but the freedom of choosing bravery over disobedience has been the peace that ultimately brought me into a place of rest.  God and I had some tough conversations at my kitchen table at 3 am and I realized that the more I sought Him the more I fell in love with His word. It became about Him and not me. His word and His presence has been like honey to my ears and heart this week. I can't wait to be with Him and why is that? It's because I emptied out and I just need Him. When we have our prayers answered and our marriages, finances and dreams are all in tact it's easy to forget the God who gave all of that to us. His faithfulness is forever and wrapping our hearts around His faithfulness should move us to surrender. It should move us to look past ourselves and selfishness within and soak up the presence of a God who never forsakes. He provides. He heals. He loves. He forgives. He births dreams and He also protects. He protects you and me from things beyond what we can see down the road and because of that we have to to seek Him alone and nothing else.  This  past Friday I sat on the front porch of my sweet friends Niki's farm. We drank coffee, ate pumpkin muffins with Nutella on top, prayed over each other and we just talked.  My heart was so full when I drove away and as I looked in my rear view mirror a calm came over me and I thought wow that's peace.  God you quieted those thoughts that rage within me, you calmed my anxious heart and you cleared my path so I could walk in obedience.  I followed through and now I have no idea what my next step is but who cares because my next move has to be IN Him and I trust Him to lead me.  It's ok to come to Him with brokenness because He is the God who makes ALL things new. Many of you are on the fence with your marriages, jobs, body image, having sex with your boyfriend, cutting, addictions and so many other defeating thoughts that have covered your restless mind and today God wants you to hear that FREEDOM comes from seeking Him. Nothing else will satisfy or move you into peace but Him. Let go today and dive into His word with a surrendered heart broken or not because He awaits with exactly what you need. 

Psalm 143: 8 

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. 

Its time you let go of the Rush and simply be YOU.. ALL OF YOU!

This morning I am sitting at my table and its so quiet. I have a little worship music on in the background but its low and yet its as if you can hear a pin drop in my house.  I can hear the dryer turning, the fridge working and the neighbor beside us working in their yard but stillness is still very much present.  I truly believe its the intentional posture of our hearts and minds that not only allows us to move into a place of rest but also positions us to hear something from our Creator. To say I am obsessed with the book The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst is an understatement.  I have promoted that book so much that we can't keep them at our merch table at Revolution on Sundays.  I love seeing ladies walking out carrying them.  I believe this book is going to revolutionize our schedules, marriages, dreams and families.  I am learning to be intentional with my YES and it has helped me to also be intentional with MY moments with my family.  I am giving more eye contact to my girls when they are unloading their days (even if I could care less about who likes who or how a teacher drives them bonkers).  I sat at the dinner table last night barely holding my head up because I was so sick but I wanted to hear about Richards day and as he told me all about it my heart smiled because it was a moment for us. He works a full time job as a psycho therapist and also a full time lead pastor at our church. I now work two nights a week and so our date night is gone and we have to be so intentional with lunch dates, and moments just like last night.  Ladies its not how well you schedule its the surrendering of your schedule that leads to obedience and then to the fullness of your relationship with Jesus first and then the fullness of your family and other relationships. My friendships are fuller when I am intentional with my time with them. My dream becomes one step closer when I am intentional with my time. Because God gives us free will He also gives us the choice to fall into the beauty of taking one step at a time in Him or taking a lot of steps stumbling to the demands of everyone and everything around us.  I am reminded of Isaiah 6:8 this morning.

 "and I heard a voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall I send, and who will go for us ?" Then I said "HERE I AM! SEND ME." and He said "GO, and SAY... 

You see when we clutter our minds and schedules we miss opportunities because we miss the whisper through the noise. God doesn't always speak in a loud voice because He needs for us to quiet our hearts and minds, lean in and just listen for a while.  The word influence is defined by Webster ; act or power to change or affect someone or something without forcing them. WOW God has called many of you to speak, some to write, some to be a mommy to multiples, for you maybe you are a teenage girl who feels that pull to change your school. Know that the Creator of the universe has already chosen and equipped you to carry it out.  The word chosen is defined; an object of choice or divine favor. This simply means God has given you favor and will equip you with exactly what you need to carry out what He has called you to do. The Best Yes for you may mean you need to start saying some pretty tough NO's to things that are only keeping you from hearing Gods voice in this season of your life. 1 Corinthians 12:2 (MSG) says "You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols". Ladies we are influenced daily through social media. We want things to change in our own lives to the point that we seek out help from things we cant really obtain without feeling defeated or depleting our self worth because we can't carry out what others can.  This verse resonated with me so much because  I know that with my own struggles it started with the small desire for more that grew into an idol of worship.  Maybe today you need to sit down and allow the presence of God to rearrange the things in your heart so He can take the lead. He wants YOU, nothing more and from that moments will come that will fill your heart so full. From praying in the stillness of your home, kissing those kids goodnight, hugging your spouse just because, honoring a friend by having them over, sending that package of goodies just because or speaking up at school. All are things that require action and I believe that when you move into a place of surrender it will move you into a place of obedience which will unlock a passion inside you that will move you into action. Its time you let go of the RUSH and simply be you.. ALL of you. 

GO BUY THIS BOOK!  http://lysaterkeurst.com/

Jump ALL in!

I am currently at the Double conference with our Revolution church staff and I have learned something new about each of them. I have measured where we are as a church by the messages Perry has been preaching and I am honestly blown away. Our vision has been pumped into my brain since before we launched and the language and heartbeat of our church is service. We create opportunities for others to flesh that out and because of that we are growing. This trip has been a success for sure. Last night we wanted to go swimming in our indoor pool but because they were remodeling it the front desk offered to take us to the hotel across the street to swim in their indoor pool. We waited on the shuttle to arrive and then headed over there. As we were walking in the guys were talking about getting into the jacuzzi because of their sore muscles and sore necks. We walk in and the lady at the front desk proceeds to tell us that their pool is also under construction. We laughed and walked back outside so we could catch the shuttle back to our hotel to use the outdoor pool. We were all hesitant to jump in because of the temperature. We all stood there waiting to see who was going to go first and so it happened. I took my Flip flops off took a deep breathe decided that bravery was my best yes and I just jumped all the way in.  It was so cool and refreshing!! After I jumped the others (chickens) decided to follow me. 

As I laid in the bed last night I thought about all the truth I had heard throughout the day as well as what I have heard today and the way we view our churches and the communities that surround our churches are a lot like the pool situation. We build up this expectation of how "the church" is to look. We want others to accommodate and present other opportunities without any hiccups along the way. When we arrived back from where we had started last night and I jumped in I was immediately glad we swam there. The water was cool and it was lit up and the sky was beautiful! It increased my courage, pushed me out as a leader and it called the ones out of the pool to jump with little to no hesitation. That's what we as the church are called to do. We are all different and we believe different things on different topics but God will always be God and the cross & resurrection will never change. That truth alone should drive a passion that pushes us all to jump in & be ALL in no matter what season you are in or your church is in.  When I see others criticizing or tearing down their pastors I always ask do you support your pastor? More importantly do you pray for him? As a pastors wife I promise He needs it. Sleepless nights, endless text and phone calls and emails, continued passion for the people and on and on. He needs your prayers. One of the things I love about our church is the level of encouragement we receive. A card will roll in or someone will ask us to dinner and encourage us & it's always at the perfect time. Today ask yourself am I all in? If not figure out why then move forward. Perry said this "it's ok not to be ok but it's not ok to stay there".   The Kingdom of God is moving forward with or without us. That pool wasn't going anywhere. We could have chosen to just sit around it and enjoy the color or the view and yet never experience the fullness of it. God wants you to jump and go all in TO HIM first and then serve and love those around you.  

Thank you NewSpring church for your contagious smiles and serving with excellence. You inspire me. Thank you Perry Noble for dropping truth in a way that encourages in real and raw ways. You are one of favorite pastors. You have encouraged Richard and I from a distance and we are so thankful. To Revolution church next month is year number 3!! We are growing and hundreds of families are being fed because of your generosity. Two schools that are often neglected are feeling refreshed because you have chosen to love like Jesus. I love you with my whole heart and the best is yet to come! I'm dreaming BIG! 

God wants the raw,unfiltered & broken you!

Today I get on a cruise ship with my husband and our girls. We have never cruised before and the excitement and a hint of nerves are present in all of us. I know that God has something in store for us this week and I am most excited about unplugging from social media so I can fully listen to Jesus and also be fully present with my sweet family.  This morning as I got up and began to pray and think about all the things that I had left back at home either work related, ministry related, dirty dishes or things I need to do when I return I could feel the tension rising up in my neck.   I began to switch those thoughts with praise towards my Creator and something happened. I suddenly couldn't remember what it was I was trying to remember in the first place. Now I do have undiagnosed ADHD haha but it was different. It was as if God was waiting in the corner of that first thought to pull me back into His loving embrace just so He could whisper "rest, laugh and just enjoy Me".  I sat down at my friends table and started to sip my coffee and I read this beautiful verse 

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

—Psalm 27:4

To gaze on something means; to fix the eyes in a steady intent look often with eagerness or studious attention (Webster) 

When was the last time you fixed your eyes and heart fully on Jesus? Maybe you are there now and the intensity has you excited for what's to come, or maybe you are in a posture of surrender because you don't know what step to take next.  I have been in both of those places and the beauty of it is this,  it doesn't really matter why you are staring just keep staring. God said "seek Me and you will find Me when you seek me with your WHOLE heart".  We often need answers to our prayers, our dreams to come true,  our husbands  to fully follow the Lord, we desire deep and longing friendships along with so many more questions and yet our desperation often leads to frustration rather than Gods presence which leads us to completion.   We have to move from running to Him with our problems to gazing our eyes on Him & locking our heart to His heart no matter what comes out of it.  We often measure Gods faithfulness by the outcome of our prayers and perceived success but God just wants us.  He wants our raw, unfiltered & broken pieces. 

Today feel Gods pull and know that whatever you are moving away from doesn't compare to where you are headed. This Afternoon as I sail away from that dock I know that God is going to meet me and take me to places I have never been with Him. God here I am I'm fixing my heart to gaze upon You! Let's cruise!!