Bye 2014

Another year has come and gone. New Years always seem to force people to reflect on what happened throughout the year as well as look ahead to change in the upcoming year. This year I began with my ONE word being peace. Peace is defined; FREEDOM from oppressive thoughts or emotions.  For me I looked at this word as a means to finding some type of balance in my life. I accepted a job at the end of 2013 working with girls who had been rescued from sex trafficking. I had no idea how quickly I would get attached to those girls or how my passion for this injustice would fuel me. I spoke for the ministry I worked for as well as ran a program called Fields of Hope. For a year this job was perfection. I loved it and couldn't wait to get there each week. However I began to feel this uncomfortable stirring in me over the summer. I could feel God leading me to step down and move in a new direction. I remember many phone conversations with close friends asking them for prayer because I did not understand why God would fuel a passion within me and then move me out of it. What I didn't understand was that it was God calling me into a place of peace.  My heart was divided and because of that chaos surrounded my heart and thoughts. I needed for God to lead me.  I needed Him to direct my steps moment by moment.  I was living week to week missing soccer games, date nights, writing and other ministry opportunities because I was consumed with task. Even with the girls I worked with I missed moments with them because I was fixed on the task at hand rather than the beauty of their healing. I remember sitting in the floor at work one evening and as I began to look around the room it was like it was slow motion and tears begin to fill my eyes because in that moment I realized that it was my time to walk away from that season. I believe that God stirs our hearts for change and yet we cling to the comfort or we release our grip and embrace the greater that is hidden in what we can't see.  It's our fear of not being able to see Gods hand at work that often causes us to stand still. 2015 is here and after multiple car troubles, financial stress, quitting a job, leading teen girls and having girls of my own (and puberty), speaking more, learning to clean eat, embracing my dreams, writing more, my dog almost dying, our roof leaking, my microwave breaking, my dishwasher breaking, friendships blooming and so much more.  I can now look and see where God was in every circumstance & the result was peace of mind, peace of my soul and peace of trusting Him with full and complete abandon. I still go and see the girls and I have contact with those who have left the program as well as beautiful friendships within that ministry and I continue to spread awareness and speak for them but it's different. I had to get out of the way in order for God to blow my mind. It is our surrender that moves the heart of God and our obedience that moves His hand and then suddenly dreams are birthed and passion is created.  Peace is a word that has been a hard one because my family stays under attack and I have to be intentional with where my thoughts go. There were times this year I failed and I walked in defeat and yet other times I reminded the enemy that he has no power. Freedom comes from believing God and responding to that belief. Today I encourage you to no longer look at the what if's or the perceived failures of 2014. You are still alive and God still has a plan for your life. He wants your whole heart. Will you praise Him today? Will you cling to the truth that He is sovereign? Will you walk in obedience? We choose the direction based on our response to what He is stirring in us. Freedom or frustration awaits you in 2015 but before tomorrow comes love loud. Dream BIG. Forgive. Listen with intent and believe that greater things are waiting in 2015! 

Proverbs 3:26 For the Lord will be your confidence- 

Merry Christmas or not?

How many times have you heard the phrase "when it rains it pours"? I have said that to people tons of times. These last two weeks I feel like it's been raining cats and dogs. I broke my finger, my dryer broke, my dog was really sick, I still can't find my black cardigan, my car needs a few things done, Richard has some physical things going on, I'm sick on the couch and I haven't bought one gift and I haven't crumbled just yet. Now I am not saying that I haven't got teary eyed or even looked up and said God why a few times but inside I am still standing, barely but I am standing. I came across this verse in Psalm 139 last week and it has been the words that have sustained me. 

Psalm 139:10 "EVEN THERE Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

Christmas has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I love sitting around my kitchen table with friends, I love sitting on my couch and watching cheesy hallmark movies alone, I love talking to my kids about their wish list as we make Christmas cookies with music in the background. Christmas to me has taken a turn within my heart and it's taking me into to a deeper understanding of what "EVEN THERE" symbolizes.  We all have moments where we can barely grasp our current circumstances to seizing the moments of memories and victories in our lives. I keep looking at a Christmas card on my table that simply says Merry on the front. It's full of glitter and bright red colors. The word Merry is defined; very happy and cheerful : feeling or showing joy and happiness; causing joy and happiness

I love that it says causing joy. We say Merry Christmas because it's what we are suppose to say this time of year. But to cause someone joy or happiness is an intentional gesture.  Look around you and yes the chaos of all the stores is sometimes overwhelming but tucked away in each place are moments that are waiting on someone just like you to bring cheer, joy and change.  EVEN THERE represents every moment and every circumstance we find ourselves in whether good or bad. This past Sunday I went to a Christmas party at one of my sweet friends house and I only knew a few people there so I went in with a few butterflies. I walked in uncertain of what to expect or even how to act. As I walked through her beautiful fixer upper farm home I could feel the warmth. She explodes with such hospitality that I don't think anyone could walk out of there feeling like a stranger. I laughed, I even gazed out her window just thanking God for that specific moment and her dear friendship. I believe that for so many people it's not about the gifts however I believe that because the world likes to rush the holidays we find ourselves syncing to the beat of chaos.  Our hearts desire to slow down, our families dream of it and the beauty of it all is that we get to choose.  This week is winding down and the sleigh bells are being hung on Santa's sleigh and the wrapping paper is being slung across your floor you get to choose to find laughter. You get to choose to find those pockets of peace and joy beautifully wrapped within those moments YOU chose to create. You can change the world simply by choosing to change the environment you are in.  Be a world changer! 

Merry Christmas 

FREEDOM is ....

This past Monday I joined a fitness challenge group with a good friend of mine that I have known for several years. I love the accountability and encouragement throughout the day. I have learned so much about my body over the past several years and I am in a brand new season. I love eating clean, I love who I am on most days and more than anything I am embracing what God says about me over what the mirror tells me. The area of struggle for me is exercise. I despise it in every way. I do however like working out with other people especially when the other person also hates it because we can complain and grunt the whole time together. There is something about surrounding yourself with people who are in the same place as you are in but still desire change.  Some will either keep you in that place or their desire to move forward will push you out as well. No matter how bad I hate working out I have found that my endurance is strengthened, disciplined is encouraged and I feel good from the inside out.  It is my disobedience that shackles.  The same goes in my spiritual walk. When I choose not allow my heart to be stretched I can quickly find myself becoming stagnant in all areas of my life. Whether in my marriage, ministry friendships and the way I see my body. I have learned that bondage isn't something that occurs over night it's a slow grip of the enemy lurking in my areas of weaknesses that slowly wrap the chains of doubt, laziness & other immobilizing fears to keep me from moving forward. God never intends for us to stay in the season we are in because he knows we will get stuck or too comfortable.  When we serve in an area and it suddenly becomes a chore a heart change needs to happen. When we look at our spouse without a deep desire to love them fully a heart change needs to happen. When we look at our jobs as a paycheck a heart change needs to happen. When we are lazy with our time a heart change needs to happen. You see God never intends for you to NOT need His guidance or strength, we just often choose to leave Him out of the equation. We throw our hands up and blame Him instead of becoming desperate for Him. Today I encourage you to slow down and look within the areas of bondage in your life and know that when you admit it the chains loosen and when you surrender it they will fall. Freedom begins when you no longer choose to submit to the authority of the enemy through disobedience but instead submit to the authority of the one who can set you fully FREE! 

Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free,[a]and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

I will one day ride an elephant.

I recently wrote 5 things I want to do in my lifetime.

1.write and publish a book
2.go on a foreign mission trip with my husband and our two girls
3.travel and speak to teenage girls all over the world
4.go to Israel
5.ride an elephant and wave like a princess

As I looked back over that list this morning I smiled.  I could literally visualize myself riding on an elephant with my friend Blake laughing so hard that we almost fall off the elephant. It is also that time of year again where little children get the catalogs in the mail and they circle and mark everything they want. From big doll houses to the best Nerf gun they also visualize themselves playing with whatever it is they want so badly. I believe that we often find ourselves staring at the things that enslave us and we no longer can see ourselves walking in freedom.  When we allow our hearts to be hidden in our addictions or fears those things begin to dictate our days and we continue to walk in that bondage never fully seeing Jesus.  Our hearts become a breeding ground for pride,shame and other forms of enslaving emotions and thoughts and our identity becomes this chase of constantly wanting more and then emptiness sets in.  If we are honest with ourselves and trace our dreams to why we want them to happen we find pockets of a deeper longing.  God created us to desire Him and to want His presence in our lives above anything else but He isn't a bully.  When an alcoholic gets to that rock bottom place He can usually muster up a small amount of strength to say no for the first time and then the second time he has a little bit more courage until he no longer finds himself staring at a bottle but instead surrender that is laced in victory. It takes us completely giving up sometimes to really see God's power but also really positioning our hearts to fully believe Him.

.John 7:37/38

On the last day, that great day of the feast Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone thirst, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water."

As I read this my heart visualized a huge waterfall falling over a mountain.  The rush of the stream pouring into this pool of water that moves quickly without ever stopping or drying up.  What a picture of God's power in our lives.  It says that Jesus cried out and that moved me. I have stiff armed the power of God in order to pursue a feeling of relief because honestly I didn't believe that He could bring my heart relief completely. I can also point back to times in my life where I could feel Jesus crying out to me to turn away from something or a place of self hatred so He could tell me just how beautiful I truly am.  When we allow His words to penetrate our hearts it shines on the areas of doubt and lies and it doesn't cover them it yanks them out so it can fully take its place. The Living water represents the Holy Spirit in our lives from the moment we choose to accept Jesus as truth in our hearts. This continuous flow of God's love and grace and power will pour out without ever stopping. Doesn't that change your perspective on those areas of defeat in your life?  God doesn't intend for you to fight to keep up a pace that will always lead you into a place of failure.  Its His spirit that sustains you in your weakest moments.  To believe means to accept something as true.  As I sit here I am asking myself and I also want to challenge you in the areas of unbelief within your own heart this morning.  Do you truly take God at His word? Do you believe what He says about you? He isn't going to bully you into a deeper relationship with Him but He is crying out to you because He knows that His living water will satisfy a longing that is deep within you and you will NEVER EVER EVER thirst again.

Be encouraged today!

What an absolute mess...

Today is Veterans Day and both my kids are out of school and my man is also off of work.  My plan was to take all the fall decorations down and then start putting all the Christmas decorations up. My plan didn't go quite so smooth. I began removing pictures and other fall things and noticed dust and trash behind couches along with a few cob webs. So I changed our planned a little and began giving my girls some deep cleaning chores. I was overwhelmed at the dirt. I thought to myself I clean and sweep almost daily but it wasn't until I began removing things I saw even more dirt.  Now when we begin to put up Christmas decorations I can know that it's clean and it will feel and look better. As I thought about all the cleaning going down I began to think about how easy it would be to leave the stuff hidden. The guest coming for the holidays wouldn't see it and yet it would still remain. Isn't that just like the dark places of our hearts. We allow things to sit and gather dust and then before long it stinks and the way we look at things becomes distorted.  We have to have every thought protected, every area of our heart surrendered or cob webs will form and our dreams and our passion will begin to fade. Just this morning as I began to pray for this weekend and all the girls that are coming I also began to feel very insecure about my body and my weight which I haven't struggled with in a very long time. I eat healthy I exercise (not everyday) and I truly no longer feel bound by food. Those thoughts actually stopped me from praying and I stood and looked in the mirror with disgust. I went to the kitchen got my phone and I had a text from not one but 3 people saying they had me on their hearts this morning and we're praying for me. In that moment I just began to praise God for allowing me the opportunity to speak truth and suddenly those thoughts had subsided and were no more. I had to attack the thought and remove it in order to fully shine. God has such huge plans for everyone of us and yet we need a daily cleansing to ensure no sin creeps up.  Sin only allows us to coast and just remain but repentance and surrender allows us to move forward and it deepens our faith and passion. Our view of our circumstances change because we aren't weighed down by the things that haunt or keep us from shining. In Psalm 51:7-15 (the msg) says it so beautiful and gives us such a clear picture of Gods redeeming love. 

7-15 "Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don’t look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God;  I’ll let loose with your praise."

I love that it says this. "so the lost can find their way home".  Wow! Your surrender and your mess can bring about life change in others! Today allow God to move things around in your heart and allow Him to cover it with the beauty of His grace and then watch what happens next! Those around you will see Jesus so clearly simply because you chose to let the light in. 

yes you really are....

The past few weeks I have talked to so many women about the regrets of their pasts and how it continues to taunt them from time to time.  I have some things I want to share about finding delight in our Creator and I will in a few days but today I wanted to post a guest blog from a sweet friend of mine Holley Gerth. Her books have changed my perspective on not only myself but also my dreams.  My prayer for each of you today is that you let her sweet words sink into those places within your heart.  Thank you Holley for being you.

(link below)
http://holleygerth.com/wonder-youre-really-forgiven/

Let's NOT take a trip down memory lane

This past Monday Richard and I took Rebekah to visit two colleges in Charleston SC. The scenery alone would make anyone want to go there. The people are friendly, the food is good and the beaches are beautiful. Rebekah was already sold before we even finished the campus tour at College of Charleston. She has such a magnetic personality and she craves community and that is what she saw all around her.  While we were there Richard wanted to hit some good food places and so shrimp and grits were a priority along with a good crab cake. We ate in this cute little place called the Hominy Grill before we left.  The service was incredible and the strawberry jam was to die for.  I am a clean eater most all the time but I decided to step out and eat the special of the day. It was a pork belly sandwich with a fried egg and some magical sauce poured all over it in between two huge pieces of homemade bread.  I took the first bite and I think my knees got weak. It was so delicious and I just ooh'd and ahh'd over and over.  After the 2 or 3 bite I just took the bread off and begin enjoying it that much more because all the (extra carbs) fluff was getting in the way of the middle.

As I reflect on that yummy sandwich this morning I also looked at a particular verse in Isaiah just like a sandwich. Not that the outside is fluff but the meat is such a beautiful truth that should be written on our hearts and constantly reflected on.

    

Isaiah 43:18/19 "Remember not the former things not consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a NEW thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it." 

As women we tend to let our thoughts dictate our feelings and our feelings lead us into this perception of reality whether real or not to us we act as if it's real.  We keep our thoughts locked in on what should have, could have happened and then we get stuck there and we can't see past what is surrounding us.  I want us to look beyond our circumstances this morning and really begin to see what's going on. The beginning of this verse says:

"Remember NOT". which implies we often keep our minds on something that has past. It also says "nor consider the things old". To consider something or someone literally means to gaze on steadily...WOW!  I am so guilty of this. I will see a picture of myself and if I see only my weight it's over & I am suddenly stuck there in my thoughts. I feel defeated and I will stop at nothing to retake the picture or to delete if from ever being seen.  I have "un" tagged  myself from many of photos on social media.  I have also gazed upon a dream so long that any no's that came my way sent me into a deeper stare with what I thought was someone attacking my dream and never understood it was all my pride. It's where and who we lock our eyes with that sends our hearts and feet to follow. The next part of this verse got me and I have read it tons before this week. "I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" Two things jumped out at me doing and springs.  The word doing simply implies an ongoing process. Which means I may get stuck staring at pride or envy or my weight or the lack of discipline in an area but Gods radiance and glory will draw me back in and set my heart in the direction of redemption and His holiness. The sunsets on the beach this past Monday literally took my breath away. I said how can anyone not see God in this. But I often have missed the beauty of Gods glory because of where my eyes were. This verse encourages me to know that God doesn't want me to stay where I am. He is doing something NEW daily in me and around me to pull me into a deeper intimacy with Him. The word springs means "rises up out of".  As I looked at this verse and understood that this NEW thing that is rising up has to rise up out of something right? So I began to look within my life and the areas that still lead me into defeat and other areas that I have found victory in and why. For years I wouldn't put on a bathing suit, for years I would binge until I was sick. I took diet pills, I purged, I hated looking in the mirror and I hated my body more than anything. What a place of darkness. It would be easy to remember and look back to those defeating days that often left me with such anger & pain within my heart. BUT out of ashes rises beauty. I look in the mirror now and see myself as yes overweight but it no longer drives my emotions because Gods word says I am beautiful. I have not binged in years because I realized that stuffing oreos in my mouth didn't fix my issues. I have found my completion and my worth in my Creator alone. My dream no longer drives my existence because I chose to just follow God and leave the results to Him.  You see sin and places of defeat in our lives will keep us in this place of memory lane until we choose to remember NO more.  You can't undo an image but you can replace the words that follow in your head with the truth of Gods word.  Today be encouraged to write continuous truth on your heart because that is the very tool of fighting the enemy. He will tempt you with old ways, he will remind you of who you once were, he will tell you that no one loves you, he will tell you that you are fat and so much more BUT the truth is that the enemy's loudest roar can't trump even  a whisper of our God.  You are beautiful. You are chosen. You are a world changer. You are forgiven. You are redeemed. You are set FREE. You are loved. You are His.  Fix your eyes on a God who makes ALL things NEW today and then believe it.