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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Are you ignoring me?

Have you ever wanted to hear Gods voice so badly that you literally found yourself listening as if your life depended on it? I have cried out to God and now I am waiting for Him to speak. Today as I washed dishes I looked out and the bird that has been living in the bush in front of my window has now had 4 beautiful little baby birds. They chirp so loudly it reminds me of a young toddler saying "mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy" over and over until the mom finally says WHAT in a stern but attentive voice. All the birds have made it out of the nest but for some reason for what seemed like a lifetime one small little one stayed on a very high branch surrounded by sticky and sharp leaves chirping with all it had. The others were trying to fly and jumping from one branch to another all the while the mom was so busy going back and forth and out and in with food that it was as if she was ignoring this poor little bird. I stood there with tears in my eyes and said God why aren't you speaking to me? I need you to guide me and just like this bird You are ignoring me. I walked away and hours later I walked back in and the chirping was gone and all the little birds including the mom were all in the nest and peace was among them.  My heart melted as I watched this mom who had worked all day gathering, feeding, responding, jumping etc rest with her babies close.  I blogged the other day on how God never stops and yet today I felt this overwhelming heart cry that God wasn't listening to me. I rode down the road today silent in my car praying out loud and even looked at bumper stickers, road signs and billboards for a sign from God and yet got nothing. I know my calling. I know what  I love to do and what I am passionate about.   I have been unemployed now for 7 months and its time for the unemployment to stop coming in and I need to know the direction I am heading. Its weird the peace I have. I have no worry,  or anxiety but I just think that if you want to walk in obedience God should say here go this way.  I realized tonight as I sat alone  in my laundry room manually turning each cycle (because the stupid thing is broken) that God is my direction. Wait what? That simple? Yes it is. He is my provider. He is my strength. He is my future.  I seek Him and I find exactly what I need to walk in wisdom NOW. I use my time wisely and leave the results to my Creator. Gods blessings come and I often stiff arm them because I feel like I don't deserve them. I have literally transferred my feelings from my past and projected those onto God. The one who redeemed me without any strings attached.   Redeeming love is a reoccurring theme in my head these days and I believe some of you can relate to my day. My request seems very small to your current desperation and I am sorry for the whining but I need you to know that God does hear us. From the smallest of request to the gut wrenching cries within. He is responding, preparing, refreshing, healing and doing things we can't understand. Just like those birds,  cry  out to Him with all you have and as long as you need to but after you lay your request and tears out then find rest in Him. I am in a place of total surrender once again and there is nothing I can do but trust, listen with intent and keep my eyes fully on Him. Be encouraged! He is listening. 

Colossians 4:5/6 

WALK in WISDOM toward outsiders making THE BEST USE OF YOUR TIME. Let your speech be generous and always seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer each person. 

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