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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

just move the cord around...

Have you ever been so convinced something was going to happen that you prepared fully for it and then everything went wrong?  For instance when you prepare for the birth of your child there are baby showers, painting of the nursery, and gathering lots of diapers.  Then on a regular day you get up thinking that the day had come for you to deliver your precious boy or girl and suddenly you begin having pains and before you know it you are in the ER and the end result is death. All the prayers, preparation and excitement ended in such tragedy and there was nothing you could do.  When I was a freshman in college I surrendered my life to the Lord and really began dealing with my past and also my relationship with my dad. We began talking more and he would randomly send me cards in the mail with a little money it and it would make my day. I remember being only a week from graduating and my dad had called and we talked for a few hours on the phone. We talked about life, about love because Richard and I were married and expecting our first child.  He was making a cradle for her.  He had decided to come up a day earlier for my graduation and stay with Richard and I and I was so excited. I told him I forgave him for the pain he had caused over the years. I told him that he was going to be a wonderful grandfather and I told him I loved him and we hung up.  Two days later he was killed.  I could not believe it I mean I had planned for him to come up and stay with me, I told him I had forgiven him and the end result was death?  There are times in our lives where tragedy hits and we are left breathless, speechless and completely numb.  When we have that crushing blow that leaves us paralyzed in fear we tend to question God to why something like this could ever happen.  I remember the night we had receiving friends for my dad and so many people came to see us and to say how sorry they were. I laid in my bed with Richards arms around me and he was silent and I sobbed like a baby. It hurt so badly both emotionally and physically. I was screaming out to God with my tears because I could not wrap my heart or mind around why.  I needed my dad to know me and be with me on this side of the cross. Loving him, showing grace to him and allowing him to see me the way Jesus had redeemed me.  I chased so many guys and other things growing up desperate for their affection and completion because my father had not given me what I needed and I wanted him to know that my completion was no longer in what he hadn't done for me but what Christ had done in me.  This morning as I was ironing Richards’s clothes I kept getting frustrated because the cord kept hitting the fabric that was coming up on the end of the ironing board. I almost just let Richard wear wrinkled clothes haha.   I then moved the cord to the other side and the fabric was no longer touching the cord and I could iron much easier. That’s the way I believe we often live our lives.  You see before college I walked in anger, frustration and rejection because I had a hole in my life and I needed it filled and the fabric aka pain and shame that led me into such a dark place and that was what defined me and it kept me from living life with joy and freedom. When I gave my life to Jesus it was like moving that cord around the table aka the cross and seeing life in a whole new way. I saw my dad differently and I began to embrace Jesus’ love and that led me out of the shame from my past. I was able to love people differently and it was all because I no longer saw the junk I just saw the cross.  The word breakthrough defined by Webster is this; an offensive thrust that penetrates and carries beyond a defensive line in warfare. The enemy intends for the circumstances like I described to break us down but God intends for a breakthrough to happen.  I believe God is saying I am going to thrust through your pain and carry you. Just like Richard that night holding me without a word reminds me so much of the arms of God holding me. Sometimes God’s silence is so powerful because we lean in that much more with the intention of hearing and feeling His presence in our lives. God wants you to hold on just a little longer because relief is coming and I AM is bringing it. I don’t know what you are in need of today but I do know that no addiction, relationship, position or dream will ever fill that place of a need in time of desperation.  Lean in deep and pull back slowly because when you do the imprints of God’s heart will mark your words, your life, decisions and circumstances.  There is a new season coming and change is about to BREAKTHROUGH don’t you dare give up.  You can prepare for life all day long but in the end God is sovereign and His ways are perfect.  Death is real, pain is real, addictions and fear are real but God takes anything that the enemy meant for evil and makes it good.  I will never know why my dad had to die but I know that my God is peace. I know that God is what sustained me. I know that God is my redeemer and I can talk about who I was and how God led me into freedom.  I can encourage girls to walk in forgiveness towards their fathers showing honor and allowing God to do the rest.  I have no control on anything in my life other than my surrender and obedience to my Creator.  It is time to share your story with the world.

Psalm 107:1-3 (the msg) Oh, thank God He’s so good! His love never runs out. All of you set FREE by God TELL THE WORLD! Tell how He freed you from oppression..

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