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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Criminal minds and a Cadbury egg

Fear is a word I have blogged about a ton of times.  I hear it almost weekly from women and young girls regarding their future or facing the circumstances that surround them. I have walked through seasons of fear that almost took my dreams out of my reach. I'm realizing its the posture of our hearts that determine the response to our fear. Because what we choose to bow down to is often what we follow. When we allow thoughts to go unprotected you better believe relationships, friendships, marriages and our dreams will be laced with fear. The enemy works over time to make us feel like we aren't good enough or equipped enough to dream beyond our insecurities. 

My favorite shows are The first 48 and Criminal minds. I'm not an adrenaline junkie but those two shows have me on edge the entire time. I usually like a good love story  but not on these shows I just want them to catch the bad guys. Because of these shows I find myself being afraid of a lot of things and people. I literally will survey the scene to see who is where, what they are wearing and usually I look to see what time it is just in case the BAU team from Criminal minds needs my help. I love the thought of being in the middle of an investigation but the reality is that it would give me major nightmares for the rest of my life. I started noticing something yesterday as I watched an episode with Richard before bed. The beginning of criminal minds the crimes were bad and the crime scenes left you wondering what the victim looked like (I know freaky) and now the episodes leave little to the imagination and the crimes are brutal.  Someone asked me how I could watch it before bed and it made me think about how I was when I first started watching. It would have me on the edge of my seat afraid to go to bed and now it doesn't really bother me. Isn't fear the same way? It starts subtle and then it builds momentum and begins reminding you of failures and then after getting you hooked to a thought you are sucked in and giving up. As I was reading this morning I came across this verse 

Psalm 5:7 But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love,
    will enter your house.
I will bow down toward your holy temple in the fear of you.

This fear isn't out of being scared it's about being in awe. Whatever it is you worshiping is the very thing you are in awe of.  It's sad to say how many times food and body image were the center of my worship. I would eat until I was sick and then begged God to help me lose weight. My worship reflected the posture of my heart.  Just recently I was standing in a store and I found myself staring at a bag of Oreos. I could almost taste them. It was like a war in my head.  It took everything in me to walk away and I wish I could say I walked out empty handed but I walked out with a Cadbury egg and I devoured it. I felt like I won the battle simply because I chose one chocolate creme filled most delicious egg over a whole bag of Oreos. You see bravery is facing one moment at a time and choosing NOT to bow down to what is enticing you away from the heart of God. Today one choice can change the direction of your heart, your dreams and your circumstances.  So many times we look at how big our dreams are and we think why even try. We must dream beyond our insecurities because the moment we choose to surrender to a calling we no longer can see the power of God simply because we are looking in the wrong direction. We must surrender to Him alone and allow Him to equip and create a passion within us because when that happens the beyond becomes a reality! Dream BIG but keep your eyes locked on Your Creator!  

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