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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Sitting on the porch with pumpkin muffins and Nutella now that's peace!

When I was a little girl I loved playing with my sister. I was older and which meant I was wiser (right Tiffany) and so I would dictate our games and the things we would play. One of my favorites was pretending to be teenagers we were 8 and 10 and  I would be "Becky" who had her drivers license and she would be "Sherry" my younger but cool best friend. We had cool names and we were super popular, had cool clothes, and cool jobs at Mcdonalds. We would literally pretend like this for hours and as time would pass for our mom to pick us up we would still try to be in character when went home. Looking back those days on that farm with big cows, big trees, a big barn shaped my view of what peace was and I had no idea.  Today it's overcast skies and the once green leaves on my trees are now changing Into bright yellow.  Fall moves something in me. It calms me and I believe it has and continues to shape my view of peace.  This year I chose peace as my one word and little did I know I would spend this entire year seeking for it. Peace is defined by Webster as freedom from disquieting or oppressive emotions or thoughts.  I can't escape to the farm and pretend to be someone else (that would be weird) and fall will eventually be winter but I have discovered over these last few weeks that peace is not just a feeling of comfort or just a feeling of relief it's beyond that. It's hanging on the monkey bars as a kid with a grasp that is callousing your hands to the point of burn as you try and bring your strength from a place of determination that's inside you to your arms and then you just let go.  Our hearts are filled with passion and "Oh my God what are you doing" moments.  We beg God for strength to get from one circumstance to another and then after a while we just let go.  To me that letting go has brought me such peace this week. I have wrestled with God for over 2 weeks on something that I had to make a decision on and I didn't understand it and I still don't fully but the freedom of choosing bravery over disobedience has been the peace that ultimately brought me into a place of rest.  God and I had some tough conversations at my kitchen table at 3 am and I realized that the more I sought Him the more I fell in love with His word. It became about Him and not me. His word and His presence has been like honey to my ears and heart this week. I can't wait to be with Him and why is that? It's because I emptied out and I just need Him. When we have our prayers answered and our marriages, finances and dreams are all in tact it's easy to forget the God who gave all of that to us. His faithfulness is forever and wrapping our hearts around His faithfulness should move us to surrender. It should move us to look past ourselves and selfishness within and soak up the presence of a God who never forsakes. He provides. He heals. He loves. He forgives. He births dreams and He also protects. He protects you and me from things beyond what we can see down the road and because of that we have to to seek Him alone and nothing else.  This  past Friday I sat on the front porch of my sweet friends Niki's farm. We drank coffee, ate pumpkin muffins with Nutella on top, prayed over each other and we just talked.  My heart was so full when I drove away and as I looked in my rear view mirror a calm came over me and I thought wow that's peace.  God you quieted those thoughts that rage within me, you calmed my anxious heart and you cleared my path so I could walk in obedience.  I followed through and now I have no idea what my next step is but who cares because my next move has to be IN Him and I trust Him to lead me.  It's ok to come to Him with brokenness because He is the God who makes ALL things new. Many of you are on the fence with your marriages, jobs, body image, having sex with your boyfriend, cutting, addictions and so many other defeating thoughts that have covered your restless mind and today God wants you to hear that FREEDOM comes from seeking Him. Nothing else will satisfy or move you into peace but Him. Let go today and dive into His word with a surrendered heart broken or not because He awaits with exactly what you need. 

Psalm 143: 8 
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. 

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