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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

dependency... OK I GET IT!

How many times have you been let down by someone?  I can remember times all throughout my life where I depended on people for happiness and for a level of peace.  I remember as a little girl watching and looking for my dad to show up at my dance competitions or pageants and when he didn’t show up I would have such a knot of disappointment in my stomach.  I do however remember being at a clogging competition at Carowinds in Charlotte and as I walked on stage I didn’t notice my competitors, my friends, or even the judges.  I saw a man standing at the very back alone and leaning against the pole.  As I looked with such intent I realized it was my dad! I was so excited that I remember clogging as if it was the only time my dad would see me. I won first place, in fact I won overall that day.   I would have done anything for my dad to notice me growing up but even deeper I truly wanted to depend on his word.  He would say he would do this, be here, give that and in the end I would always be disappointed.   I created a level of emotional dependency on him and yet nothing ever came through to give me a peace of mind that he wanted to be a part of my life.  Over these past few weeks I have had to depend on everyone for everything.  For food, transportation, getting in and out of the bath tub, washing my clothes, handing me this and that you name it.  It has frustrated me and yet given me a deeper understanding of what dependency on my Creator needs to look like.  I shared yesterday about trusting God and the level of trust that I need and still lack in my own life.  Today I am reminded of how dependency on God literally brings not just peace but PERFECT peace.   In Isaiah 26:3 it says this ..

You will keep in PERFECT peace the mind that is DEPENDENT on You

for it is TRUSTing in You.

My peace of mind goes deeper than just dependency it points back to my heart fully trusting God.  I find it so hard to trust God when I can’t seem to understand or see an outcome and yet that is when dependency happens. Dependency means a: (1) determined or conditioned by another : b (1): relying on another for support.  For me to depend on God truly determines everything I think, do and say because I am relying COMPLETELY on Him for support. But in order for me to do this I have to shift every thought, every response, every desire, my attitude, my dreams, my calling, my family, my kids, my frustrations, my anger, my finances (the list could go on and on) basically every area of my life needs to be dependent on Him. Just yesterday Richard and I took Rachel out to look for her perfect birthday party dress. She is having a princess celebration for her 10th birthday and she wants everyone to come dressed up in fancy dresses (she is such a diva).  After so much time and effort of me struggling to get ready we pull up at the first store and as she gets out she closes the door with her finger in it. She begins to scream and cry and her finger and nail begin to turn black, so we proceed to get back in the car to hurry home for an ice pack and pain medication.  Needless to say we didn’t dress shop.  I sat down so mad at the situation and asked why in the world did God not stop that from happening I mean doesn’t he know that I don’t have any other free time before her party?? Within minutes my friends were praying for her (and me) and sending me pictures of dresses that we could borrow. (yet again dependency).  I was in complete awe as the night came to an end and this morning as I read that scripture and God spoke clearly to me.  He wants me to press so deeply into Him that when circumstances try to pull me away I am attached so tightly to Him.  Think of a cookie cutter and how it presses into the dough, when pulled back it becomes the shape of that cutter. That’s how God wants our hearts to be in Him. His hands are our mold and as he shapes us He creates such a dependency on Him for us to have the PERFECT peace of mind.  When broken ankles, hurt fingers, broken relationships, rejection or whatever you may be facing today happens be encouraged that as those things pull on you God has your heart so tightly in His hand and He isn’t going to disappoint you.  When you see God’s hand clearly in your life that’s wonderful and exciting but when His hand becomes blurry and maybe invisible at times know that He is just drawing you in for a deeper level of dependency!  His ways are always PERFECT!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for posting this. I am getting ready to go through a season of dependency on God and my church family as my husband has major back surgery. Thank you for reminding me to keep my thoughts on HIM!